


I'd like it if you stayed

by letuslovelarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Muse Louis, Poet harry, Poetry, mostly harry/louis but there's a bit of ziall and sophiam too :), they kinda share really :)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-01 23:06:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2791064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letuslovelarry/pseuds/letuslovelarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"How can I possible have memories of something I know has never happened? How can I miss something I have never held? I have been cherishing the thought of you, I have been waltzing with the shadow you never got to leave”</i>
</p><p>in which Harry is a young poet, looking for "the inspiration" of his life and Louis is struggling with facing adulthood and it's challenges. Maybe they're exactly what each other need.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some (not all) of the poems Harry writes in this were written by Tyler Knott Gregson, because our fandom tend to relate him to Harry. His whole work can be found here: tylerknott.com

**[Louis]**

_"All I want is and all I need is_   
_To find somebody_   
_I'll find somebody like you"_

Louis had his headphones on in the loudest volume he can even though it's only 7am. That wasn't the usual time he gets the bus to work, he doesn't need to be there till 8:30am and the ride only takes half an hour tops. After an uncomfortable night rolling in bed, feeling sick because of one too many drinks he had the night before, he decided to just go to work and maybe the cold weather  outside would make him feel a bit better.  
He was trying to do that thing where you try to stay as positive as you can even though your life sucks and you have to not complain much about things and take the best out of every situation but try doing that when it's monday and you have a hangover while you're on your way to a job you hate. Add that to the fact Louis was sitting next to a man who apparently hadn't had a shower in at least two months. The whole positive, rainbowish, inspirational aurea he was supposed to try to find was looking rather gray that morning.

Louis moved to London more as an escape than any reason he'd given his family and friends back in Doncaster. Sure, living with his mom and sisters (and recently a baby brother) wasn't always great but he had amazing food, a comfortable room and bed, didn't had to take the garbage out everyday and he sure did not have to wash his underwear by himself. Or pay the bills.

The initial plan was always finish high school, go to a nice college, be successful and get rich. Simple and effective. Everything went down the hill when he decided to drop out of college in the second semester after his english professor called him "lewis watson" for the thrid time that week. That was just the last push he needed to quit. The stress, the deadlines, not having any friends after almost a year there, these were the reasons he quit. Besides, Louis had always thought he could be an english teacher, maybe even write a book later in his life, but college changed his perspective and opened his eyes for one thing: life sucks.

Johannah and Dan, his mother and stepfather, had always been supportive of him, suggesting him to get a job at some store in Doncaster and live the rest of his life over there, living with them and drinking Yorkshire tea in afternoons and he could've done that but something happened that both changed his plans and confirmed what he found out in college: He fell in love.

In the summer, his mother introduced him to Greg, a 19 year old kind of athletic boy, son of one of her friends from work. Greg's mother came to work complaining about her useless son who was spending his whole break home, eating her food and playing video games. She'd rather find him a summer job so he could learn the perks of labor. Johannah shared the feeling, having a son on the same state in her own house. They joined forces like some Disney cartoon villains and next thing Louis and Greg have brushes on hands and sweat on their bodies, helping Dan to paint the house and do some repairs. They were actually doing all the job, Dan would only check on them every now and then mumbling encouraging words.

After a few weeks, Louis' mother started to notice he was way too excited to help Dan and most important, he was being extremely helpful to Greg in particular. "Do you want some lemonade, Greg?" "Do you wanna take a break now, Greg?". That and the fact they seemed to have more body-to-body fights than anyone ever.

One night, Louis' sisters had a sleepover at their friend's house so he found himself and his mom alone in the living room with the babies, watching tv. He noticed she would look at him every few minutes and he knew something was up. As if to confirm his fears, his mother got closer to him.

"So... Greg, uh?" She poked his arm. Louis wasn't looking at her but he could actually feel the smile on her face.

"What about him?" he tried to look casual, not taking his eyes off of the tv, but she noticed he straightened up in the couch.

"You tell me!" She clapped her hands together. "What do you think about him?"

"I think it's nice that he's helping to paint your house while your beloved husband drinks beer and watches tv." Louis loved Dan but he was being passive-aggressive. "You know he could actually help from time to time. Saying "doing great boys" isn't qualified as a job."

"You know you're a sneaky little boy?" She laughed as he shrugged.

"C'mon, why won't you tell me anything?"

"IM 21!" Louis threw his hands in the air, exasperated.

"And I'm your mother!"

He gave up. There was no point on arguing but he didn't want to make a big deal about it. Was he totally in love with Greg? Yes. Did he love making out with him when she wasn't home? Hell yes. But she didn't need the details. 

"Is not like it's gonna last forever okay?" He finally said and changed the subject again.

He would've never thought how rightful his words proved to be.

Greg told Louis he'd like to get a major in law, that was his dream since he was a little kid. What he forgot to mention was that it was in Spain and that he had to leave in the second week of August to figure out how he was going to live over there. Louis tried to be as supportive as he could. He didn't want to be the kind of "boyfriend", if that's what they were, to be on the way between Greg and his future. The night he told Louis about Spain was one Louis could never forget. They spent the whole night making plans for how they'd make it work because they were willing to give their relationship a try. Louis would go there during vacation, Eric would come home for the important holidays. They would skype everyday. They'd heard about a lot of couples that lived far away from each other and managed to stay together. Why couldn't they? It would work. It would work if the following week never happened.

On the last saturday night before Greg moved out, Louis invited some friends over to watch a movie, have some drinks and enjoy the little time they had left with Greg. While the movie was still on, one of Louis' friends asked to use the bathroom and Greg said he could show him the way upstairs. Johannah and all the kids were already asleep, it was past midnight. Minutes later Louis heard one of the babies crying and he didn't want his mom to wake up so he decided to check on the baby himself.

Louis made his way upstairs, walking on his tippytoes. God knows what would happen if he woke up all his siblings. A pandemonium, at least. Getting to the babies' bedroom, he saw Ernest was awake, probably heard some noise or had colic so Louis got him in his arms and put him to sleep in a matter of minutes. When he was about to leave, he heard something. Louis looked back to see if one of the babies were awake but they were as peaceful as angels. He had just decided it was his imagination when he heard someone giggling.

With a bad feeling and his heart beating too fast, Louis went next doors, to the bathroom, to check what was happening. He put his ear on the door.

"Shhh, you're gonna wake everyone up" Louis knew that voice. It was Greg. His mind didn't take long to process what was happening but he didn't want to believe. His hands started to shake and he couldn't feel his legs.When he noticed he was already opening the door to face Eric with his hands down Patrick's, his neighbor, pants.

After that everything was all a blur in Louis' mind. He remembers he couldn't find words. He didn't say anything to Eric or Patrick, when they went downstairs saying it was better to leave, Louis didn't say anything, he didn't mind about how his other friends were looking at him, he didn't mind when his mom woke up and asked why everyone was leaving. He remembers he felt numb. Used, betrayed and numb.

Louis couldn't leave his bedroom for two weeks. He would barely eat or even shower. He couldn't listen to music or go online. Not even his favorite books were helping. His mother would come to his room everynight, trying to get him in a better mood but it never worked. All he could do was think about how stupid he had been, and how miserable he felt.

On a Wednesday, he decided to stop feeling sorry for himself and that it was about time to start putting his new plans into action. He took a long shower, shaved his uneven beard and went downstairs when his mother was cooking dinner.

"Mom, I'm going to London." He announced as he took a seat on the dining table.

"You're out of your room!" She turned back to look at him, almost dropping a pan off the stove. Johannah made him stand up to give her a hug. "Who is going to London...?"

After freeing himself from her embrace, Louis managed to sit again. "I am. Tomorrow."

The air smelled like tea and brownies and Louis was glad he left his bedroom. He was also sure about moving, he needed a fresh start and that would be it for him. His mother turned the stove off and took a seat next to him.

"Thinking about some vacation time, darling? 'Cause I'm sure the girls would love to go with you" She said.

Louis looked at his hands, crossed together over the table. He wished his mother wouldn't make that worse than it was. "Mom, you need to listen to me. I'm going to London. Not on vacation, not for a while. I'm moving. To get a job there, to construct a new life there. I already have the ticket to go, most of the things I'll need it's already packed..."

"Louis, that's absolutely... Not a chance!"

"Listen, I have it all figured out! I didn't spend my time the past two weeks mourning for that stupid boy. Well, I did spend some time on that, I know, but not all of it." Louis knew he had to explain the whole thing in details or he wouldn't convince her. "Do you remember Sara, Nancy's daughter? She moved to London a year ago but we've stayed in touch and her and I talked and she said she has a room left in her apartment where I could live for free for the first month and she could talk to her boss to get me a job at the grocery store she works at. It's kind of perfect, actually."

She glanced at Louis and she saw that he seemed desperate for her to be okay with that. He had taken a shower and his appearance was better but she could still see sis eyes were urgent and red, like he's been crying a lot. Johannah wanted to hug him right there but she was afraid it would break him, he looked so fragile, like one wrong word and he would start crying right away.

"Son..." She said as she held his right hand. "You can't just change your whole life because someone let you down. This is such a big step. You have to think about it."

"Mom!" He stood up, letting go of her hand. "I have thought about it. Trust me, I did. I'm not doing this just because of  _him_. I'm doing this for me. I just... I need... I'm sorry, mom. I need change." He didn't want to use the college card but he had to. "Since I dropped out, I've been really down. Greg helped me a little but I'm back at the start. I don't know what to do, what my next move should be. I feel useless and like I'm running out of time. I'm getting older each day and life won't wait till I figure my shit out, mom. I have to move to London. A fresh start. I need it." His voice broke and she couldn't handle it anymore. She stood up to hug him.

"Honey. it's okay. It's okay." She said. "If you thought about it and if you wanna do it then do it. I'm not happy about it but that's just because you're my first born and I don't wanna loose you but I'm not gonna be the one to stand in your way. I'll support any decision you make and I'll always be here if you ever want to come back. I love you and I want the best for you"

Louis felt the tears falling down again. But there was no point on holding them back anymore. "T-thank you mom. I love you so much. I love you, I love you."

Louis was thinking about how hard was it to say goodbye to his parents, his sisters and baby brother. He remembers he felt scared in the train to London, anxiety running in his blood, but he could also remember how it felt great, doing something for himself once in his life. He thought great things would happen in London. Yet there he was, next to that smelly man who had just fallen asleep. The 25 bus he was waiting for got there and he didn't know if he should wake the man up to warn him. He decided not to. Some people can get quite aggressive if woken.

In the bus, it wasn't hard to find a seat because there was only four other people on it. He sighed thinking about how the bus he usually takes it's always full of people, said people were probably still sleeping or comfortable in their houses and he woulnd't deny, he felt jealous of them all. Louis sat at the back of the bus and noticed a curly haired guy sitting in the other seat across him, at his left front side.

The guy was wearing a dark blue coat and a matching headscarf, his hair was long but not long enough to get to his shoulders and Louis felt the need to count all the curls on that beautiful hair but he didn't. The guy was focused on writing in what seemed an old journal and Louis thought he didn't fit quit well there, in that bus. He should be at a cafe in Paris, living a big romance or something. Louis noticed he had been staring to this stranger guy for too long and he had to remind himself it wasn't really sane to do that, people would think he was a freak. He decided to look away and have his attention back to Kodaline's album.

He tried not to think much about anything and just enjoy the view. As usual, he failed miserably. As much as he missed home, he couldn't deny London was a beautiful city. Maybe if he wasn't so down and hating life, he could enjoy it more. He observed people walking in the sidewalks, he wondered where they were going in such a hurry. He wondered about their life, how many of them have had their heart broken, how are they dealing with it, if they'd found someone new. How many of them found their perfect match and are living a happy life with two kids and a dog. Despite the fact that he was a complete mess because someone broke him, he still believed in love. Even though he promised never love again, he believed it's possible for people to love and to be loved. He believes it, for others, not for him. A loud laugh followed that thought. That wasn't a natural response to such sad feelings but he wasn't feeling himself anyways.

After a few minutes Louis felt a thrill in his stomach and he had the feeling he was being watched. The closest person to him was the curly haired guy and he didn't want to look straight at him to check because they could make eye contact and things would get awkward. He looked forward and tried to catch the guy with his peripheral vision. The guy was in fact watching Louis. He tried to decide how he felt about it and he was feeling...flattered? Of course. Intrigued? A lot. But most of all, embarrassed. He knew he looked like shit, his clothes were too comfortable to be pretty and he really needed a hair cut. He tried to ignore the guy, looking back to the window but it was a really hard thing to do since the guy wouldn't turn his eyes away from Louis. What the hell was he doing?

Then, he just did. He stopped looking. Louis could tell and he was glad he did, he was starting to sweat a bit even though it was cold. That also gave Louis the opportunity to look right to the guy and he noticed he was back on writing in his journal, even more focused than before. Louis could see his pen writing each sentence and he was feeling very curious about what the guy was writing. He even considered going there and asking. It would be a fun conversation.

_"Hello, I was sitting over there and noticed you are writing something and it seems cool so I was wondering if you could let me read it? Oh and since I'm asking for favors would you let me touch your hair, in the name of science of course!"_

_"Who the hell are you?"_

That's how Louis thought it would happen and he didn't think it was too far from reality.

The stop Louis has to get off the bus was getting closer so he stood up to make his way out. As he passed the seat the strange good looking guy was on, he couldn't help but staring at him. For his luck and despair he did it at the exact same time the guy looked up and they ended up looking at each other's eyes. It was breath-taking to say the least. The guy had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. They were green like the wild ocean and Louis could tell just by looking at them that that boy had lived a lot of things already. He was probably one or two years younger than Louis, his face was soft and pale, but his eyes were intense and very very very beautiful. Louis was so mesmerized that he didn't notice when the bus suddenly stopped so he lost his balance and almost fell. 

"Fuck" he said.

He totally made a fool of himself in front of that boy and everyone else. He tried to put himself together and with all the dignity he still had, got off the bus.

Louis still had to walk two blocks to get to the grocery store he works at and he spent the whole time martyring himself about the little episode on the bus.

 _"What the hell was that? What was I thinking?"_   He would say that was a cute boy, but so what? He always flirts with cute boys. Cute boys go to the store everyday and they are the ones making a fool out of themselves, not Louis. Louis has everything in control, he has to. He has to make sure he's being careful. It's okay to flirt, it's totally fine to make out with someone sometimes if you're feeling lonely. But when he starts to get too interested, he walks away. Louis was angry at himselft for making such a big deal out of that. He couldn't understand why he cared if some random guy at the bus saw him almost drooling over him. It wasn't like he was gonna see him again anyways. He tried to convince himself that London being a big city as it was, he wouldn't meet the guy again. He also tried to convince himself he would be glad about that.

When he finally got to the store, Louis walked straight to the staff room in the back to put his things in his personal locker and to get his badge. Zayn was already there smoking his usual cigarette before work, wearing skinny jeans and a black t-shirt that said "chill". Louis laughed because that was the perfect word to describe Zayn. He was a very handsome twenty year old guy who liked to party too much and like Louis, hated his job.They bonded since day one because of when Louis was trying to make their boss say his name right "It's just louehh" and she couldn't make herself say it, Zayn came to his rescue and said "You have to be elegant when you say it. Louiii, like the italians. You wouldn't know, I haven't met a  _britshier_  person than you, Sophia. And by the way, Louis, I'm Zayn." That was it, they became best friends, which was good because without Zayn he would've gone back to Doncaster as soon as he got there. 

"What happened to you? You look like shit!" Zayn said when he noticed Louis in the room.

"Good morning to you too, Zayn." Louis he hurried himself to the locker so he could hide his face. He knew Zayn for only two months but Louis knew he'd figure what happened if he looked at him. "I'm gonna take a wild guess and say your mood is a result from yesterday's night out?" Louis said, expecting to change the subject.

"Don't make this about me, you bastard. You come here looking like you saw a ghost and you're not gonna tell me what happened?" He took a drag on his cigarette and kept looking at Louis, who still had his face inside the locker, pretending to look for the badge that was already in his hand.

"I will if you tell me what happened yesterday. I got all excited when that guy asked you over to his apartment that I didn't even got mad at you for leaving me drunk and alone at some random bar. Now I have what it seems the worst hangover ever so I deserve to know how it went."

"Are you done with your little speech yet, drama queen?" Zayn raised an eyebrow.

Louis caught a cereal bar that was in his locker and threw it on Zayn's head.

"Heeeeey"

"I'm not being a drama queen. I just wanna know how it went" Louis said, glad to have Zayn's attention in something else other than him.

Zayn put out his cigarette in an ashtray and sat on the old sofa that, Louis could swear, smelled exactly like his grandma. Louis looked in a tiny mirror he kept in his locker and he thought it was safe to look at Zayn again, he didn't seem like someone who had just seen death in person at least.

"Okay, fine." Zayn said. "We went out to his apartment like you know and..." He seemed embarrassed. 

"And then what? Come on you're making me imagine so many things!" Louis said as he picked the cereal bar off the ground and started to eat it.

"And then... nothing". He sighed. "Okay so, when I got there I noticed there were too many pictures of a lot of cats in frames on the walls. I asked him about it and he got all excited and showed me a room where he kept his 25 cats. I mean, I love cats but try to sit in a small room full of them with your hot date introducing you to each one of them, making them say hello to you in different weird voices." Zayn put his elbows on his thighs and his hands on his face. The guy was destroyed. 

"He... that huge, six feet tall guy we met... you're telling me you went to his house and he showed you his cats...?!" 

Zayn nodded, his face still covered by his hands. Louis couldn't hold anymore. He started laughing. He laughed so hard there were tears in his eyes shortly after. Zayn kept his head down and Louis decided to sit next to him. 

"Okay, man. I'm sorry" He said, still trying to catch his breath. "I know you really wanted a  hot date yesterday, but that's life. People are like that. What can we do?" He said tapping Zayn's back.

"We'll for a start, ask the person you're interested on how many pets they have." Zayn said and Louis knew he would be okay.

"That sounds like a thing." Louis said. "Hello, my name is Zayn, how many cats do you own?" Louis said in his best Zayn voice.

That made Zayn laugh.

"Louis, you are an idiot." Zayn pushed Louis so he could pretend to beat his stomach, Louis tried to fight too.

They looked like two five year olds fighting over the last toy in the playground.

"Did I interrupt you, ladies?" said someone at the door.

The boys stopped with the "fight" to the sound of that voice. They knew who it was.

"Liam!!" Zayn and Louis shouted at the same time.

Liam also worked with them but he had a two week license because his grandfather passed away and he had to fly to his hometown to be with his family. Liam was a nice guy, also really handsome but he could be clueless sometimes. Zayn and Louis liked to use him as scapegoat to their jokes. He didn't seem to bother. They both stood up to give Liam a 'welcome back' hug.

"Yeah I'm glad I'm back too!" Liam smiled after they hugged him. He was wearing his usual batman shirt and Louis could swear his biceps got twice as big during these two weeks. "What have you two been up to, uh?"

"Zayn was just telling me how he'd like to quit this job to open a pet store." Louis said, all serious.

Zayn punched him in the arm. "Ha-ha, very funny. Ignore him, Liam. He's just trying to get away with telling me what happened before he got to work today. You needed to see his face when I first saw him this morning."

 _"Fuck fuck fuck fuck"_  Louis thought. He thought Zayn would let that pass.

"Really? What is it?" said Liam.

Unwillingly, Louis told them about the guy on the bus, expecting the worst reactions.

"Well, that wasn't so bad." Liam said.

"That's what this was all about? Please..." Zayn started, with a smirk on his face. "I thought the guy banged you in the back seat or something!"

"ZAYN!" Louis shouted.

"What? I'm just saying! You're thinking too much about it. You're not even gonna see the guy again. Let it go." Zayn said.

"Do you guys need a cup of tea or maybe some magazines?" a feminine voice said behind them. It was their boss, Sophia. "Don't worry doing your job. Stay here all day, I'll make work in every department of the store all by myself." She said sarcastically.

The three of them said how sorry they were and hurried to their places at the store. Louis was in charge of the cash register while Zayn and Liam were more like a do-it-all. Wherever people needed them, that's where they'd be.

When his shift started, it was much easier to forget about the boy on the bus. The store was always full of people on mondays because that's when most things were on sale, so Louis had a lot to do all day.

When he got home that night, he found a note over the kitchen's table. It was Sara's, his roomate.

_"Went to Patrick's. Won't be home. Made some pasta if you want. xx"_

Sara used to spend most of days and nights at Patrick's house, her boyfriend. Louis once asked why they couldn't just move in together and she simple answered: "It's complicated." He thought that pretty much everything in life was complicated but he didn't argue with her and didn't ask about her relationship again.

Louis heated the pasta she left and ate it with a glass of wine. After cleaning the kitchen and taking a long hot shower, he went to his room and decided to read a book. He was a great lover of words even though he couldn't write much himself. The only things in his room were a small bed, a drawer and a shelf full of his favorite books. He also brought his guittar with him. He couldn't play much more than some "Ds" and "Gs" but it was fun trying.

At eleven that night, Louis was tearing up with the end of "Ps. I love you", which he had read more than twice. He was tired and feeling nostalgic and even a bit sad so he figured it was better to just go to sleep. When he got his phone to set the alarm for the next day, he had an idea.

"Should I?" He thought. "Nah, I'm being stupid, like Zayn said.... and.... what are the odds? And I was just saying I didn't want to meet him again this morning? No, I'm not gonna fall for that."

Then he set the alarm to the usual time he wakes up. 7:30am.

After a few minutes staring at the ceiling, he just took his phone again and changed it to 6:30am.

"Fuck thata! No one will know." But he still could feel his face getting hot and turning red. He closed his eyes making a lot of effort to fall sleep.

That night he dreamed about Paris and coffee houses.


	2. Chapter 2

**_[Harry]_ **

Harry used to spend a lot of his time thinking about how life is a long quest. About how people were always looking for something and sometimes they don't even know what it is or even notice they're looking. It can be anything: happiness, success, stability... even another person. He found it amazing how many people look for other people! You're looking till you find and when you do life has another meaning, a different light, it seems worthy. Sadly, many people never find what they've been looking for and they don't understand it was never meant to be found by them and they die hoping. It's complex but it's such a incredible thing if you stop to think about it. 

Harry looks for inspiration. Sometimes is a beautiful sunset, the blue skies or a happy old couple he sees on the street. He finds his inspiration many times a day and he writes about them. He carried an old journal with him and he did so for two years, never missing an opportunity to write on it. He never really showed his poetry to anyone, didn't think anyone would be interested and didn't think it was good enough to be read by anyone but him. Even though he writes about pretty much everything that he finds beautiful and worth of words, he still hadn't find _it_. It. The thing that would turn his world upside down. That would make him go through many sleepless nights, that would drive him crazy, that would consume his soul. He still hadn't find it. At least not till that morning.

It happened really fast. Harry, as most days, didn't know where to go or what to do. He didn't have a job, he didn't go to college or anything. He spent most of his days wandering around London, always searching for inspiration. He went to libraries, parks and museums, but he always decided last minute. That morning he took the bus downtown, not exactly knowing what he was supposed to do there at 7am. He just had a good feeling about it. 

Harry was sitting on the back of the bus, writing about how sometimes some birds can be compared to humans in everything they do, he was describing the way mockingjays reproduce anything they hear when he heard someone laugh behind him. That took him by surprise, because he was focused on his journal. He looked back and found out the sound was made by a boy that was sitting further back on his opposite side. He was so endeared by that laugh he wanted to know more about the person who made that sound. He noticed the boy was too entertained on his music and on watching people on the sidewalk so it wouldn't hurt to look and admire him a bit.

Beautiful things surrounded Harry everywhere and he liked to just stop and admire them. Flowers, animals, nature, girls _and_ boys. He didn't care, as long as it could light a fire in his heart, that's what he would go for. That laugh did it to him. He wanted to know more about that boy. He was wearing a gray shirt and a white cardigan, he had a fringe and his hair was kinda messy like he didn't combed it when he woke up. Harry loved that particularly. The boy was facing the sunlight so Harry could see the shadow his eyelashes made on his cheeks and he was fascinated by it. Harry wished he could see his eyes, he imagined it would be beautiful as well. The boy's skin was soft and his lips were a vivid red, probably because he had been biting it from time to time. Harry felt jealous of the top of the boy's lips because they could touch the bottom of it.

Looking at that boy, he felt the need to write immediately and he faced a little intern dilemma. If he turned to write then he would miss more details about the boy. He was desperate to write about him and he had to think about what would happen if the boy looked at him, he was sure he was staring at him like he was the solution to the world's problems. Reluctantly, he looked away. He felt drained, like he was a machine that works with energy and someone had pushed his power cable. 

He started to write, the word flooding the paper, feeling everything at once. He was exhausted but overwhelmed, happy but extremely sad, his heart was beating fast and his pen was escaping through his hands because they were sweating. He needed to put it all out, the words, the feelings. And so he did, he didn't even stop to put any dots or commas, he just wrote and wrote and wrote.

Harry was so focused on writing that he almost didn't notice a figure passing next to him. He suddenly put his pen down to look up, pure extinct. He was glad he did. He looked up to beautiful baby blue eyes and Harry wanted to decorate everything in his flat baby blue. His walls, his carpet, his sofa, his bed. He wanted to look at that color everywhere he went and he gave thanks to nature because it sure inspired the color of the skies in this boy's eyes. 

It seemed he had been looking at the boy's eyes for a century but suddenly the bus stopped and the boy almost fell and hurried to get off the bus. Harry kept starring at the place he was seconds ago. How could he let the boy leave? He didn't know what it was but there was something about that boy. He wanted to learn more about him but he let the chance pass. 

Soon enough the bus hit downtown and when Harry got off, he felt more lost than he ever did his whole life. He definitely didn't want to wander through The City, full of business man and people who loved their money more than their own children. He never liked that place. Instead he decided to take a walk to Shoreditch, where it felt like home.

While he was walking, he couldn't stop thinking about the boy on the bus and he was really frustrated because he had to call him "boy on the bus". He gasped thinking how good it would be for his poetry.

"I met the most beautiful boy in the world. He made my heart go crazy. Now, I dont know his name, or where he lives or anything about him but I know he takes the bus."

A best-seller. For sure.

As soon as he got to the streets of Shoreditch, he felt his mood getting a bit better. Harry loved that place because any empty space on the streets was quickly taken by some form of art. Someone doing graffiti on the walls, artists performing on the street. It was always full of happy people. 

Even with winter upon them, people were out on the streets, it was a cold delightful morning and it seemed like everyone was collectively breathing that fresh air. Harry was walking slowly, admiring the place for the millionth time. On his right side, on the wall, someone painted a pretty lady, she had long hair and a nice smile. She was painted in all kinds of colors, green, yellow, pink, orange...blue. Harry wondered who was she and what she meant to the artist. Harry secretly hoped they were something beautiful.

After a few minutes of wander, his stomach growled and he remember he hadn't eaten anything since the night before. Harry made his way to The Breakfast Club, a street full of great places to eat at that time of the morning. He chose his favorite place and sat at one of the outdoors tables, facing the street. While he was waiting for his order -waffles and orange juice- to come he decided to take a look at his journal and see what he wrote on the bus that morning.

"Well, this really is something." he said to himself, surprised. 

It was hard to spell out some words, some of them he even scratched out in the hurry, but he felt amazing thinking how much came out to life just because of a boy he had never spoke to.

When his order finally came, his phone rang. It was Anne, his mother. 

"Hello?"

"Hello baby! Good morning, did I wake you up?" Anne was the kind of person you can tell is smiling just from hearing their voices. 

"Hi mom! Nah, I'm in Shoreditch! Wanna grab breakfast?" He said biting his waffles.

"You know I would if I lived near you!" She said. "And what are you doing over there so early?"

"You know..." Harry said in between bites. "I was feeling..."

"Inspired" She said before he could complete the sentence.

Harry laughed. "Well, you know me"

"Always the same." Harry could hear that maternal tone that always made his heart warmer. "I'm calling to know if you need us to send in any money? Or anything?"

 _"Here we go"_ Harry thought. "No, mom. I told you I'm okay with just that quantity you send every month. And it's gonna be for just a while..."

"Well.. about that..." Anne paused, as if she was thinking the best way to form her next sentence. "How are things going...? I mean, did you figure anything out yet?"

Harry sighed. "I'm trying mom, I promise." He said.

"I know you are, H. It's just... we worry about you." She took a deep breath and Harry could bet she was biting her nails. "We don't wanna pressure you but we also don't want you to think we didn't help you when you needed. We don't want you to look back later in time and feel like you wasted your time trying to figure things out."

Harry had this conversation before. Multiple times. His mom and his step-dad were always worried about his future and about the fact he was nineteen and didn't send any college applications or had a job. He moved to London when he was sixteen, came alone and it was hard to his family to accept it, but he convinced them he needed some alone time to figure out who he is and what he's gonna do with his life. He still hadn't come to any conclusions but he didn't want to worry his family even more.

"Listen, I'm trying out for a few things. Doing stuff, meeting new people, exploring... I'm closer now than I was before. Don't worry. Just give me time." He said.

"Okay, baby. If you say so." After a moment she continued: "Now tell me about you! You hadn't been home in forever! We miss you!"

"I miss you guys too!" Harry said and then he heard a young woman's voice screaming on the other line "Lies! I don't miss him at all", it was his sister, Gemma. 

Harry laughed. "Mom, give her the phone, I haven't had a fight with anyone for so long!" He said, joking. He heard Anne telling Gemma he wanted to speak to her.

"Hellooooooo, airhead!" Gemma said cheerfully.

"I can't believe you miss me this much!"

"Shut up, H." She sounded like she was chewing something. Probably eating breakfast, like him. "So... mom will murder me if I don't ask... ouch mom, that hurt!" She yelled. "Okay, okay... so I'm asking because I, Gemma Styles, I wanna know... is there anyone I should be calling to say how awful you are?"

"Hhm??" Harry knew what she was talking about but he wouldn't give in so easily.

"You know, some girlfriend...?" It seemed like Anned pinched her again because Harry heard an "ouch mom stop" after Gemma continued: "Or boyfriend, I don't know..."

Harry laughed really hard. He loved these two too much.

"I'm not seeing anyone, Gemma." And then he added a bit louder. "And MOM."

"Are you fucking kidding me, you are in London there are so many beautiful people over there and you're not taking advantage of that? I'm truly disappointed, don't ever talk to me again." She said as it was just one big word.

"Well..." Harry said, he was walking on eggs. "There was this guy..."

"TELL ME EVERYTHING." Gemma didn't even let him finish what he was saying.

Harry sadly looked at his breakfast, it was getting cold and he had no hope Gemma would stop bothering him for answers so he decided to just tell her.

"I actually thought he was the most amazing person I've ever seen but thing is, I didn't even talk to him so I don't know his name or anything about him. So quit it, there's not much to say." After Harry said that, he realized how bad it sounded. 

"H, that's really lame, oh my god" She was laughing at the other side of the line.

"Leave me alone, you didn't see his eyes, they were... so BLUE!" She was laughing even harder. "You.are.so.stupid." He managed to say through his embarrassemet.

"Wait, wait... no, I'll stop"

He waited. It took her a few minutes which he used to roll his eyes and eat some waffles. 

"Okay, so... what you gonna do?" She finally said.

"What do you mean what I'm gonna do?"

"You said he was the most amazing person you've ever seen and you're not gonna do anything about it?"

He thought about it. What was there left to do? He didn't have an answer.

"Wait, where did you meet him? Maybe you could come back there?" Gemma said. At least she was genuinely trying to help.

Harry sighed. "At the bus."

"OH"

"yeah..."

Again, more minutes of silence. Harry pictured Gemma walking from one side to the other, thinking. 

"Well, you could take a shot, though." she said. "Aren't you the hipster guy? Believes in faith and inspiration and blah blah? Maybe such things exist and you're gonna see him again...?"

"Hmmm...  I can't see how?" 

"I don't know... OH! Take the same bus at the same time as today and maybe he will take it again? Maybe that's the one he takes to go to work or something?"

"I guess..." He considered it. 

"Listen here, Harry Styles, you taught me to never give up on anything even if said thing was unlikely or impossible to happen so don't you dare not following your own advice." Harry always find it funny when his sister used that tone. But he was also proud that she had listened to him. For once. 

"Okay, I'll do it. Blame is on you if it doens't work." He gave in.

"It will work." She was so convincing he almost believe so.

"So, how's the job going?" Harry asked. It really seemed like ages he hadn't talked to his family.

"Hmh... 's great" She suddenly seemed in a hurry. "I need to go, lots of things to do... oh and I might be transferred to London but we'll talk about that later." Then she hang up.

That was weird, Harry thought. Did she really say she might move to London? And why was she being so awkward about it?   
Gemma worked with something related to fashion although Harry couldn't quite explain what it was, he didn't pay much attention. He decided he would confront her about it when he had the opportunity.

Harry paid for his breakfast and spent the rest of the day thinking how the morning after would go.


	3. Chapter 3

**[Louis]**

Louis didn't even need the alarm to get up the next morning. He had a restless night, always feeling uneasy and changing positions in bed. At 5am he finally gave up. He got off bed and looked in the mirror. Bad choice. He whined when he saw his reflection. His eyes were giving away his sleepless night, with bags under it and even his skin color seemed awful. He decided to take a shower and try to look a little more presentable.

He took as long as he could in the shower, relaxing with the feeling of the hot water touching his skin. It was getting colder each day and they were only in the middle of october, the winter would be tough this year. But he was excited. It was the first time he was expecting the winter away from home, in a big city. He made a deal with his mom that he would go home for christmas, because his sisters were always excited about this holiday in special and it was the first holiday they'd be celebrating with the babies. Oh and of course, because it was his birthday. But they didn't have much money to spend, so he wouldn't be in Doncaster for New Year's. His mother protested, saying she would figure a way of getting him home but Louis knew it would cost more than she could afford and he didn't want to put her through that. 

After the shower he brushed his teeth, combed his hair and risked to look at the mirror again. Much better, but still...

Okay, he was nervous about the whole bus thing. He wished he wasn't but he couldn't stop his heart beating faster everytime he thought about might seeing that guy again. And then it occurred to him. Even if he saw him - which was probably not going to happen-  what the hell was he supposed to do? He had been anxious about seeing the guy again since he got off the bus and he hadn't even once stopped to think what he would do. Talk to him? Not a chance, no, not happening. Sit next to him? He was sure he would combust in a few minutes so no that wasn't a great idea. Admire from far? Well, that wouldn't hurt anyone. That was more Louis-like. 

He took a look at the clock. 5:30am. Did time decide to go twice as slow today just to get on his nerves? Apparently.

Louis decided to take some time on his outfit. No way he was going out with that cardigan again, no way. His mother gave it to him when he was seventeen and it still fit. He was never able to throw it out and he actually kinda liked it, kept him warm. He wanted to look good but also didn't want it to seem like he was going to a parade so after twenty minutes he ended up going for a white t-shirt, a baby blue denim jacket and his favorite pair of jeans. He was glad the whole searching took so many minutes but there was still a whole hour till the 7am bus.

He heard noises on the kitchen and realized Amanda was home. She was always up early to do her yoga sessions. So even if when she slept at her boyfriend's, she'd be home the next day morning to her session. She'd put an exercise mat in our tiny living room and would start stretching and singing weird mantras. It was all a bit funny to him, if he was being completely honest. He admired her, though. Someone who can open their legs in a 180° angle should be respected.

He wanted to eat breakfast so he wouldn't be late when it was the time for him to take the bus. He went to the kitchen and found Amanda already there eating a bowl full of pieces of what seemed at least five different fruits. 

"Healthy" he said as he served himself with a bowl full of milk and cereal.

She ignored the comment and kept eating. She then looked at the clock hanging on the kitchen's wall.

"Did someone push you off of your bed or what?" She raised an eyebrow in his direction.

"What? I decided to join your healthy lifestyle. Behold, this is the new me." He said, his arms wide open to emphasise.

She almost choked on her food because she started laughing. He shrugged, sat next to her and started to eat.

"Seriously, why are you up this early? We don't have to leave to work till 8." She said after she stopped laughing.

"Can't a man be up at the time he wants in this country? I thought we were free? I'm gonna need a word or two about this with the queen." 

"Oh my god, why are you being so defensive?" She was clearly having fun with putting Louis'  on a tightrope.

"I'm not" Was his simple answer.

They stayed quiet for a while, their mastication being the only audible sound. Louis kept his eyes on his bowl but he could tell Amanda was staring at him from time to time.

"Did you just got here or you came at night?" Louis wanted to talk about anything else than the reason he was up at 6am.

"Just got here." She stopped to finish her bowl of fruit. "And, since you won't tell me why you're being a dickhead, I need to talk to you about something else." Her tone became serious.

"Hm? What is it?" Louis said, still enjoying his cereal but paying full attention to Amanda.

"I decided to take your advice." She said.

"My advice? Since when do I advice people and since when they're good enough for people to follow them?"

"Louis, I'm serious. Do you remember when you moved in and we had that conversation about my boyfriend and you suggested me to move in with him?" 

"I didn't suggest, you know... I just asked... why not... that's all."

"Anyway, you got me thinking about it and I talked to him last week and we've been talking about it since then and we decided we're gonna do it." She was nervous but Louis could see how happy she was.

"You two are gonna move in together?" She nodded. "Oh, Amanda, I can't believe! I mean... I'm so happy for you two, it's such a big step! But I'm sure you two are ready and honestly you have what it takes for a relationship to work. You are both amazing people, you both have a job and are clearly crazy about each other... oh I'm so happy for you!" He said it all at once while he moved his chair closer to her to give her a hug with the arm that wasn't holding the cereal bowl. 

"I'm happy too! We've been meaning to do it for so long! I mean we've been together for three years and... you know I love him, I just thought I wasn't ready but we are ready!"

Louis was genuinely happy for them but couldn't help feeling a bit jealous. He knew he'd never experience the happiness Amanda was experiencing at that moment. But she was really happy and he didn't want to ruin this for her. He almost didn't want to ask the next question but he had to.

"So... is he moving in or are you moving out?" Louis asked in the most casual tone he could.

Whatever she answered wouldn't be good for him. If she was moving out that meant he would have to take over her part on the responsibilities with the flat. Rent, water and eletricity bills, just to start it. It was money he didn't have. On the other side, if her boyfriend was moving in, he wouldn't even have to worry about money because he was going to have to move out. Louis was sure their life plans didn't include him as a third wheel.

She seemed to be thinking the same as Louis because she gave him a concerned look.

"I'm moving out." Amanda said.

"When?"

"Tomorrow night. We didn't want to wait any longer."

"Oh..."

Louis couldn't complain. She couldn't stop her life just because of him. 

"No Louis, wait. I know you can't afford living here on your own but we won't let you down like this... I talked to Patrick and, I don't know, we could share the expenses till you find someone to share the flat with you and of course we'd help you look for someone too..." 

Louis was feeling so bad. There she was, one of the most important moments of her life and Louis was interfering, like dead weight.

"No, please, you don't have to worry, Amanda. I'm gonna do something about it. I'm gonna find someone..."

"Louis, I'm really sorry." She said.

He didn't even bother to finish his meal, he felt really bad. He needed to go out or... Then he remembered.

"Amanda, I need to go." He stood up and looked at the clock. 6:40am. If he didn't hurry he'd miss the bus. That bus.

"Wait, what?" She seemed surprised. "It's early! Why won't you wait for me? We always go together... are you mad at me? I said I'm sorry." She sounded devastated.

"What? No, no no!" He needed to be running at the street. "Look, Amanda." He put both his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I'm not mad at you, I'm really happy for you. Now, the reason I can't go to work with you today is that... oh, screw it! I saw this cute boy at the bus yesterday and I"m hoping to see him again today but if I don't leave this house right now chances are that's never happening. Now, are we okay?"

Her eyes widen and a smile emerged on her face. 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WASTING YOUR TIME WITH ME, WHAT THE HELL, GO GO GO!" She pushed his hands away from her and then pushed him to the door.

"No wait!!!!!! I have to get my backpack in my room!"

He ran to his room, got his backpack and took a last look at the mirror. Didn't like what he saw but there was absolutely no time left. When he ran back to the door, Amanda kissed him in the cheeks and wished him good luck.

"Go get him, tiger!" She slapped his butt.

"I'm.. I'm not gonna  _get_  anyone, jesus" Was the last thing Louis said before she closed the door.

He literally ran for two blocks and got to the stop just two minutes before the route 25 bus got there. His heart was going crazy and he wanted to believe it was because he ran his way there. He waited on the line as two women got on the bus before him. Louis fixed his fringe once, twice, three times and then gave up. He felt his heart on his throat. He considered running back to the apartment.

Louis got on the bus. His eyes slowly scanned everything inside. There were two ladies in front of him sat in the front seats, there was a father and his five year old daughter in the middle,  then two old guys who seemed too beefy for their age and then, at the back of the bus....

Louis' heart jumped out of his shirt. He had never had a heart attack but he thought that's exactly how someone must feel before they have one. The boy was there. Sitting in the same seat as the day before. He was wearing a green cotton coat and he had his hair untied, the curls falling on his back and on his face and everywhere. Louis' thought there wasn't a single person in the world who could be as beautiful as that boy.

Louis was determined not to make a fool of himself again. Very carefully, he made his way to the back of the bus and he saw the curly guy noticed him. He was writing on his journal but he looked up and they glanced at each other for the tiniest of seconds. He thought the guy was... smiling at him? He clearly wasn't feeling well, he was having hallucinations. He finally sat, at the same seat as the day before. Louis thought he had a great view from where he was. That's what he came for, wasn't it? To sit and admire.

Sadly, after what seemed five minutes, the boy stood up. That was it. He was going to get off the bus and Louis wouldn't ever see him again. Well, he'd have to learn to live with that. Is not like anything was going to happen anyway. He couldn't just see some stranger at the bus and be obsessed with them like that. It was good while it lasted. Except that...

Louis noticed two things weren't right. First, the bus had just passed in front of a stop and it kept moving. Second, there was no other stop for another five minutes.

As soon as he realized that, he saw the guy moving. Not to the door, not back to his seat. He was moving... in his direction. That had to be it. There wasn't anyone else at the back of the bus. The guy looked straight to Louis as he was walking.

_"oh no!! no, no. Shit, damn, no, no , no, bloody hell, turn around, no no, no"_ was all Louis could think. He felt his face getting hotter and redder.

In a matter of seconds, the guy was standing right there next to him, he could feel the heat emanating from his body. He thought that should be God punishing him for something he'd done in the past. When the guy was about to sit next to him, the bus made a sudden stop at a red light. The movement overbalanced the boy and he ended up almost sitting in Louis' lap. Well, that wasn't embarrassing at all.

"Oops!" The guy said, in a husky voice.

Louis was in shock. He knew he was probably looking like an idiot, with a shaped "O" on his mouth. 

The guy had just recovered from the sudden stop and straightened in his seat.

_"Say something, anything. Say something!!! holy mother of... time is passing and you're not saying anything, SAY SOMETHING"_  he thought.

"Hii!"

_"Hi? Of all the things you could say you chose hi? what is the matter with you? and why are you talking to yourself? and why am I calling myself "you"? STOP!"_ He thought.

"Hello" the guy said.

Louis was fascinated by everything about him. Now that he was sitting right next to him, he could see the color of his eyes better, it was much beautiful than what he remembered. His hair was longer and more amazing than Louis' thought and his lips... Louis hadn't paid atention to his lips the day before, but now, with him sitting so close to him, it was all Louis can see. Huge, pink, beautiful lips. Louis wondered how long he stared at his lips. He didn't want to know.

Louis thought things were starting a bit awkward. They hadn't said a word for at least two minutes and they weren't ignoring each other either. It was more like, they were getting to know each other with no words first. The boy kept his eyes on Louis' face and it didn't bother him, as long as he could do the same and admire his. Louis felt like millions of butterflies were having a party on his stomach.

"Your jacket... it's the color of your eyes, I like that." The guy said out of the blue.

Louis was surprised. He thought he was not very good with words himself but what kind of person says that to anyone? He wasn't complaining though. He liked it.

"Hm... thank you?" He felt the need to say something. "Your coat... it's the color of your eyes too."

He didn't even look down to check his coat like Louis did with his jacket. He didn't take his eyes out of Louis for a second, like he was endeared. No, it couldn't be it.

"What is your name?" The guy asked.

"I'm... Louis. Louis Tomlinson." Louis felt weird because he didn't know what to do. Shake hands? He had never gone through anything like this before. "What about yours?"

"Louis Tomlinson" The guy repeated. Louis loved how it sounded in that deep voice.

"Is your name also Louis Tomlinson, then?" Of course, he had to joke about it. The tension could kill him any moment.

"What?... Oh, okay. I'm Harry. Styles." He said and then blinked a few times, like he was walking up from a dream. "You must think I'm a weirdo." He laughed.

Could him stop surprising Louis? He never heard anyone laugh like that. That sound wasn't human. It was angelical, at least. And when Louis stopped to think about it, Harry - thank god he knows his name- didn't seem real. In fact, he could swear there were a few statues of baby angels that looked exactly like him. Curls, dimple and everything.

"I don't, actually" Louis answered, glad to know he still had a voice. "What I am wondering is what you're doing here." He went straight for it. He had just realized he didn't have much time till the stop he would get off to go to work. He had ten minutes tops.

"Would you believe me if I say I have no idea?" He ran his hand through his hair, still looking at Louis' eyes.

Louis had never been an eye-contact kind of person but he couldn't help it. Harry's gaze was mesmerizing.

Harry continued: "I saw you yesterday and I didn't think I would see you again today and... hm... I didn't want to wait and see if that would happen a thrid time. So I came to talk to you and here I am. Not doing a great job, I know." 

Louis laughed. Why was he laughing, that wasn't funny.

"Okay then." He said and for no reason he wanted to keep talking. Actually, he wanted to hear more of Harry's voice. "Where are you headed?"

"I also have no idea."

Well, that was weird. Louis wondered if Harry was lying to him. How do you get on a bus and don't know where to go?

"Okay..." Louis said and finally looked down at his hands on his own lap. 

"Hm... let me explan." Harry said. Louis felt the need to say he didn't own him any explanations but he kept quiet, waiting. "Most of my days consist in walking around London, searching for inspiration to write... So I never really know where I'm going till I'm there, you know?"

"Ohh..." Louis said and he was really surprised. He always felt the urge to do something like that. Just walk around, not knowing where he was going. But he had to face real life. In real life you have bills to pay and things to get done. Actually, he thought people only did that in movies and books. Untill he met Harry. "That sounds like fun" He said.

"Sometimes, yeah." Harry said and Louis noticed a bit of sadness in his eyes but it was gone as soon as he spoke again. "What about you? Can I know where are you heading?"

_"To the real word. Where people go to work and curly haired angels don't notice me."_  Louis wanted to say. Instead he shrugged and said, "Work"

 "Do you work downtown?"

"Not quite... I work at a grocery store near St Paul's Cathedral." He said and suddenly became aware of how close it was to his stop. Apparently Harry did too.

"Where do you live?" Harry turned his whole body to face Louis. 

Louis felt small. It was like Harry was occupying all the space left in their seats, he didn't noticed it before but he was huge. He made a huge effort not to ask to touch Harry's arms.

"I live with me roomate in a small flat back in Covent Garden, you know... What about you?" He asked Harry and prayed for him not to notice how tense he was. Holding back.

"Not far from you, actually. I live by myself in Soho." 

Soho hm? Louis thought. The place that never sleeps. That area was known for their nightclubs and parties, but Louis didn't think Harry made the type. Oh, and it was a very LGBT-friendly area so maybe.... No, Louis didn't want to go  _there._

His stop was even closer and for as much as Louis didn't want to, he had to get off the bus. 

"See... I'm sorry but I need to go..." He started to say and pretended to get up.

"Wait!" Harry said, urgence in his voice. "Will I see you again? Can I... can I have your number?"

_"areyouforrealofcourseyoucanhavemynumberyoucanhaveallyouwant"_ Louis thought.

"Erm... sure" And then he really thought about it.

He remembered his promise and how he had to always be careful when it was about boys. He couldn't do things impulsively, he had to think a lot about things first so he wouldn't get hurt. Of course none of the boys he met were like Harry, but still...

"Actually, it's better if I have your number."

"Okay, sure."

Harry wrote his number down on his journal and ripped the piece off. Louis took it from his hands and Harry made room for him to get up. He was about to leave when he heard Harry.

"Waait..." he said, pushing Louis from his right wrist.

"Yes?" Louis said, his heart beating fast, very aware of Harry’s hands on his wrist and how big they were compared to his own.  _"Please let me go please let me go I'm about to pass out or jump on your please let me go"_  he said a little prayer.

"I just wanted to tell you...I... well, it was a pleasure to meet you." Harry said to his eyes. Louis didn't know what to do.

"Erm... okay.. I...I can say the same.... you are... quite cool." 

_"QUITE COOL? YOU ARE QUITE COOL? YOU ARE PATHETIC LOUIS TOMLINSON"_  He told his brain to shut up.

Harry laughed and let go of Louis' wrist. Louis could see the dimple jokingly hanging on his cheeks, he wanted to bite it for such disrespect.

"Well, I gotta go." Louis said, walking to the door.

"See you soon, then!" Harry said when Louis was getting off the bus. Something in his voice made it seem he wasn't so sure he would see Louis soon. Or again. Louis wasn't sure either.

Louis stood at the stop, watching the bus leave. He watched it till he couldn't see it anymore and then he looked around. He felt disoriented. How long did he stay on that bus? Did that conversation really happen? Did that guy - Harry, he knows his name now- really tried to talk to him? 

He needed to sit down. 

There was a bakery right in front of the bus stop where he usually stops to drink some tea and he definitely needed to calm down so he decided to go inside. He ordered some Yorkshire and sat in one of the tables. When he got the cup in his hands, he noticed he was shaking.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" He said while blowing to cool the tea.

He'd never been this embarrassing. Not even with... Eric. Of course he was crazy in love with Eric, or at least it felt like it, but this was a whole level of madness. Harry's eyes wouldn't leave Louis' mind. Even while drinking his tea, Louis could see those green eyes like they were in front of him. And he couldn't stop thinking about Harry's laugh, that dimple that surprised him, the sound he made...

He took a look at the piece of paper with Harry's number written on it. Above the number he signed "Harry. x" and Louis thought that was the cutest handwriting ever. After thinking that, he figured he definitely had to keep himself busy so he put the paper on a pocket on his backpack and ran out of the bakery to his work, maybe he would take Harry out of his mind. 

Before getting into the store though, he had to make sure he didn't seem too shaken otherwise Zayn would fill him with questions and he wasn't sure he was ready for that. Looking at the glass doors, he fixed his fringe, pinched his own cheeks a bit so they'd wouldn't look so pale and tried on a smile. He thought it was presentable.

As soon as he got in, Sophia confronted him.

"Checking in early again, Tomlinson?"

Sophia was only two years older than Louis and so tiny she'd fit in Louis' pocket so Louis always thought it was very funny the formality she treated all of her employees. She wasn't the owner of the store but she was the daugther of the owners so Louis guessed she was trying to give her parents proof she could be responsible.

"Yeah... maybe I wanna be more like you!" Louis was clearly mocking her but it seemed she took it serious because she narrowed and smiled a bit.

"Well, sure." She said and then the smile was gone. "I'm gonna need you and mr. Malik to help me with the interviews today. Liam... I mean, Mr. Payne can stay in the cashier for you, he's better with numbers than with words anyways."

Louis tried really hard not to laugh. He knew Sophia had a huge crush on Liam but she would never admit it. 

"So... new people coming in, uh?" Louis said.

"Yeah, my fath...I mean, the boss thinks we need a few extra hands for the holidays, you know. Things usually get crazy here in the last few months of the year... I'll need you two in my office in one hour exactly so hurry up and explain everything to Mr. Malik" She walked away and the only sound was her high heels touching the ground.

  1.  Louis thought. He'd interview people all day so no time left to think about green eyes and curly hairs.



He made his way to the back of the store and he found Zayn and Liam already there sitting on the couch, they seemed involved in a serious conversation but Louis was sure it was just about comic books.

"What's up" Louis said while opening his locker to put his backpack there. The old ritual.

"Hey Louis, Spiderman versus Ironman, who wins?" Liam asked and Louis rolled his eyes.

"Why is that even a question here? Spiderman, of course!" Louis said and sat on a chair in front of the couch.

"YES! I've been saying this forever! Spiderman always wins, Liam! Always!" Zayn and Louis high-fived.

"You're a bunch of losers. Whatever." Liam said.

"Anyways" Louis interfered because Zayn and Liam were about to start arguing about that again. "Liam, you gotta stay in the cashier today. Zayn and I have some interviews to do today. Sophia is hiring new people."

Zayn's face lightened up. "Woohoo, fresh meat!" Louis laughed.

"Do you think about anything else other than men, Zayn?" Liam asked rolling his eyes.

"Well, I like video games too?!" Zayn said. "And it's hot men, Liam. I think about hot men."

They all laughed.

"Speaking of hot men..." Zayn looked at Louis and Louis knew what was coming. He wanted to run as fast as he could. "How was the bus ride today?" He said, all suggestive.

"What does bus rides have to do with men... Ohhhhhhhhhhh" Liam looked at Louis too.

Louis knew he was about to embarrass himself once again. He looked at his hands.

"Well, speak up!" Zayn kicked Louis' foot with his own.

"There's nothing to say, Zayn!" Louis said.

"So you didn't see the misterious guy again?'' Something in Zayn's tone told Louis he knew exactly what happened but he had to give Louis shit first.

"Yes, I saw him." Louis finally said and Liam and Zayn gasped in unison. He knew they'd want more. "He... he actually... he came to talk to me."

"WHAAAAAT?" Zayn and Liam said and Louis thought they were overreacting. They seemed like eleven year old girls after hearing one of their friends had their first kiss.

"Guys, please!" Louis said, looking at them.

"Shut up, we need to hear everything, go!" Zayn crossed his legs and put his chin on his hand and his elbow on his thigh, he was listening carefully.

"Fuck you both for making me do this." Louis cursed.

Louis told them what happened. He had to do it twice and with a lot of details. When Zayn and Liam were convinced they heard enough, Louis was feeling like he need to drink lots of water.

"So, are you gonna see him again? For what I've heard he's some hot stuff." Zayn said.

Louis' face went red. He didn't know if it was because he agreed or because he was jealous. 

"Well, he gave me his number..."

"What?! Call him, then!" Liam said.

''Liam, I literally just saw him on the bus thirty minutes ago, I'm not that desperate."

"But you're gonna call him, aren't you?" All of a sudden Zayn looked serious, he was looking Louis right in the eyes.

"Of course." Louis answered too quick, Zayn seemed to notice because he looked concerned. He knew Louis too well to believe that.

Fact was, not even Louis knew if he was gonna call Harry. He wanted to, of course. But he had a lot to think about and that wasn't the right time or place to do so.

"Well, enough of that, boys." Louis said, standing up. "We better go or Sophia will kill us."

They started to get ready but Louis was only paying half attention to everything he was doing. His mind was somewhere else.

"It's gonna be a long day." Zayn said as they were heading to Sophia's office.

"You tell me about it." Louis answered even though he wasn't talking about the interviews.

***

They were right to think they'd have a long day of interviews. Waiting outside Sophia's office, they saw at least forty people hoping they'd get the job. Louis wondered why the hell would they all want to work there but then he thought it was probably for the same reason as himself: the money was good and the economy was awful.

"So, last question." Said Louis to one of the girls wanting the job. "Do you have any experience? Have you worked in a big store before?"

Zayn and him were sitting across this large table in Sophia's officer. They were making much effort to keep things professional but it became hard after the first twenty boring people. Right now they were drawing in the clipboard they had instead of writing down people's answers.

"Yeah. Actually my last job was at a store, I worked there for three years but I had to quit to take care of my mom, she had some health problems. Now I'm back at it." The girl answered and she seemed nervous and a bit uncomfortable, probably because she noticed they were just partially listening to her.

They dismissed her and decided to have a break before the next candidate. There were only one left so they were hopeful it'd end soon.

"So, what do you think? I really liked this last girl and she has tons of experience so that'd be good, we wouldn't have to stay a week teaching her how to get stuff done." Louis said while stretching and yawning.

"Boooring." Zayn replied. His feet were on the table and he was reclined in his chair, eyes closed. Louis thought about how much trouble they'd get if Amanda entered the room and saw that. "That does nothing to me. All these candidates are boring." 

Louis raised an eyebrow, looking at Zayn. "You know that's a job inteview, right? That's not a ''find-zayn-a-hot-date" interview."

"If that's how you see it." Zayn looked at his watch. "Let's get it done then. Maybe we can leave early if these two last candidates are as boring as the other ones."

"You are a ball of sunlight, you know that, Zayn?" Louis laughed.

Zayn rolled his eyes as he stood up to call in the next candidate. When he came back, on his way to sit next to Louis again, Louis noticed his expression changed. He was smiling and when he found Louis' eyes, he mouthed "hot stuff" and did a thumbs up. Louis couldn't help but laughing.

Louis looked up to find a blonde guy smiling at him. He was wearing a green shirt and jeans, too casual to a job interview but Louis couldn’t imagine that boy wearing a suit to save his life. Of course Louis was judging but he thought the guy was the perfect stereotype: blonde, beautiful smile, 19-something, prominent muscles but not too much... that guy had no problems with girls.

Louis launched an inquisitive look at Zayn. “Really? This guy, Zayn? Really?” He raised his eyebrow.  Zayn punched his leg under the table. Louis made the guy a sign with his hand, indicating he should sit.

“Ok, so... what’s your name?”

“Niall. Niall Horan.” The guy said with a huge smile. Zayn made a really weird noise beside Louis and he could swear his best friend was drooling. How fucking embarrassing.

Louis cleared his throath and Zayn seemed to wake up.

“Oh, Louis.... Louis, I think I should lead the interview from now on, you’ve asked too many questions today, you must be really tired” When Louis started to protest, Zayn threw his clipboard on Louis’ chest. “Okay, awesome. You write down them stuff and I’ll question him.”

Louis couldn’t be mad at Zayn because that was too hilarious. He took a mental note to never let Zayn forget that moment.

“Okay, Niall. Niall Horan. Tell me a bit about yourself.” Zayn asked as he put he rested his elbows on the table and put his head on his hand, looking straight at the blonde guy. Louis could swear his eyes were glowing like those twelve year old girls you see on poorly written romantic comedies. Louis felt the need to stand up and scream “HOW FUCKING RIDICULOUS” but he’d have time for that later.

“Well, as I said before, I’m Niall” Zayn sighed loudly. “Erm... I’m 19 and I live thirty minutes from here. Been tryna find a job for a few months but things are kinda difficult nowadays, innit? So yeah, I decided to try out for this one. See what happens”

“You have an accent...” Zayn said. Louis didn’t noticed before but now that he paid attention Niall really did have a strong accent. He imagined... Scotland?

“Yeah, man. I’m from Ireland. Been living here for the past couple years. My parents stayed with me at first but they miss home too much so now I’m with a couple lads sharing a flat.”

Louis found himself paying attention to every word of his story, not because he was interested but because the guy irradiated this warm aurea.... He was very entertaining. He checked on Zayn and he knew that it was already a lost cause.

“So... tell us more.” Zayn said. “What kind of movies do you like? Do you like to party? What’s your favorite romance?”

Niall seemed to pay attention to Zayn for the first time and he was very confused, his eyebrows curved but he still had a smile on his face, like Zayn was a very funny thing to watch.

“Excuse me?” He said.

“What he is really asking,” Louis interfered. “Is how much experience do you have? And are you aware this is only a seasonal job? For the holidays and maybe a couple weeks after but that’s really it.”

“Yes, I am aware of that.” Niall turned his attention to Louis. “And, not gonna lie, I don’t have much experience. Actually this would be my first proper job. I’ve had a few casual jobs but nothing like a big store and stuff. I can work hard, though. I’ll do everything.”

“Okay, that’s perfect!” Zayn said cheerfully.

“What the h....?” Louis looked at him and then back at Niall. “What he means is that we’ll read your file and if we decide to keep you, we’ll call you later tonight. Now, if you excuse us...”

“Sure. No problem, I’ll be waiting.” Niall stood up and shook both Zayn’s and Louis’ hands. Zayn went redder than a fresh tomato and Louis disguised a laugh.

Zayn closed the door after Niall and looked back to find a smirk on Louis’ face.

“So... should we talk about how you were totally embarrassing or was it too obvious?” Louis starts

“Shut up already” Zayn says, crossing his arms, embarrassed. “He’s kinda cute, c’mon”

“This must be the first job interview in the world to ask the candidates what their favorite romance is.” Louis couldn’t hold it anymore, he laughed out loud.

“Well... laugh all you want, when you’re not invited to our wedding the joke’s gonna be on you, Louis” He sounded so serious that Louis was hit with a new wave of laughter. “Ughhhh... quit it! Let’s go take the bus and go home already, I need a smoke”

They left their job with Louis still laughing once in a while remembering something embarrassing Zayn did earlier. Zayn was acting mad but Louis knew he enjoyed the attention. Unlike Louis, he loved to talk about his love affairs. In details, mostly.

They had been waiting the bus for ten minutes when Louis mentioned Zayn’s drool over the blonde guy, Niall.

“Okay, okay... but at least I didn’t almost fall to the ground when I saw him, did I?” Zayn said, suggestively looking at Louis.

“What’s that supposed to mean????!” Zayn laughed because he knew he’d hit the right spot.

“The guy on the bus... it’s not like you acted all cool around him either, Louis!” Louis sighed because he knew Zayn was right. “What’s his name again? Jerry something?”

“It’s Harry. Styles.” Louis looked at the road, he wished the bus was there already.

“Mhm... kinda fancy, innit?” Zayn said as he lightened his second cigarette. He looked at Louis right in the eyes and suddenly he looked forty, not twenty. “You’re gonna call him, won’t you Louis?” He said although Louis understood it as “Please call him!”

“Of course I will!” Louis tried to sound confident.

“Oh cut it out.  You know your ‘everything is fine’ bullshit never worked on me.”

Louis didn’t say anything. Once again he knew Zayn was right, he was mostly always right and Louis hated to admit it.

“I just worry about you... I’m not gonna interfere again, I promised you that. Just take this as an advice. You seemed to like the guy... Harry, and he made the first move, he went talking to you so that’s probably a good sign. Give it a chance, will ya”

“I’m... I’m gonna think about it, I promise.” Louis’ bus stopped in front of them when he finished his sentence and he was glad it did.

Louis was already inside when he heard Zayn scream his name, he went to a window to check.

“Heeeey, what about Niall? Is he getting the job? You never told me!!!!” Zayn kept looking at Louis and to the two people left to get in the bus.

Louis laughed. “You can make the call when you get home! I saw you stealing his number from Sophia’s archive.”

“Ohmygodd” Zayn was freaking out at the bus stop. People were starting to look. “That’s awesome! I’m gonna! As soon as I get h... no maybe I should now....”

They said goodbye and Louis went home with a lot of thinking to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**[HARRY]**

His bed didn’t feel like the right place to be that night, Harry thought. He looked at his clock, it was past three in the morning, there was no chance he was going to sleep and he was too frantic anyway.

Harry looked at his phone once again. Deep inside he knew what he was waiting for. He’s been waiting for this all day, since the moment Louis left the bus. Harry was waiting for Louis to call him. There was nothing to see on his phone though, as much as there wasn’t nothing there in the other million times he looked at it during the day. He threw the phone on his bed and got up to get some coffee.

His flat was really small, the living room and the kitchen were almost the same, the only thing separating them was a huge brown sofa his mother brought him when he moved in. Then there was his bedroom and a bathroom and that was pretty much it. Harry loved that place, it was cozy and warm, unlike his parents house, where he grew up.

Harry didn't like to talk about that but he knew his family was totally different from him. His mother and step dad were used to fancy things, not necessarily making them snob, no, that was just the lifestyle they chose to live. His mother was the sweetest human Harry had ever met, she was always treating other people the way they deserved to be treated and Robin wasn’t any different, that’s probably why they fell in love.

But Harry didn’t fit in that scenario. Fancy clothes, breakfasts with all the food you could eat and some more, being associated with people that think about money 24 hours a day... That just wasn’t him. That’s why he left as soon as he could.

While he was heating the coffee, Harry sat on a chair at his small round table and noticed his pocket edition of Romeo and Juliet was still there. He remembered reading it just few weeks ago but he felt the need to read it again. It was one of his favorite books, those he could read a million times and still find interesting. He served himself with a cup of hot coffee and started reading to pass the time.

Harry sympathized with Romeo. People would always target him as just a precipitate and immature teenage boy and his romance with Juliet as careless and exaggerated, something that happened too fast to be so intense or even possible. Harry couldn’t understand the logic of those arguments. Isn’t that how love is supposed to be? You fall in love and you literally fall. Into the unknown, into the madness that is love. You give all of you and you expect the other to give all of them to you too, and you two fall together and it hurts, a bittersweet pain, that’s what love is about.

Romeo fell in love the first time he saw Juliet and Harry could understand that. When it’s meant to be (and that’s something he believed in), it didn’t matter what time it was or where it happened. It could happen in your enemy’s house, it could happen on an ordinary London bus...

Harry managed to finish the book in just a few hours and when he looked at his clock again it was already past six in the morning. He still wasn’t sleepy but he could feel his body showing the effects of a sleepless night. His back and members were hurting and his eyes were kinda red. He was going to be a mess all day.

Back at his bedroom, he risked a look at his phone again. Nothing. Louis didn’t call him the whole day. Maybe something happened or he was too busy at work, although Harry remembered his expression when he said he would call, like he wasn’t so sure of that. Harry wondered why. Maybe he wasn’t interested...

He still hadn’t stopped to think about that but what would he do if Louis wasn’t interested? What if he already had someone in his life? There wasn’t much Harry could do, of course. He’d never forced someone to like him and he sure wouldn’t stay in the middle of someone’s relationship. He would just have to learn how to deal with it, move on. Harry didn’t think he’d be so interested in anyone as he was with Louis but he could do other things in life. He decided to stop thinking about it, reminding himself he was just speculating, he didn’t know that for sure.

He cheered up a bit when he was getting ready. He still didn’t know what to do that day but he was sure he needed to be on the seven o’clock bus. He put on his favorite pair of jeans, a white shirt and his black coat. Grabbed his wallet, his journal and made his way outside.

When Harry was on the bus, he couldn’t focus on writing anything even though he tried a few times, so he decided to take another look at the things he wrote when he first saw Louis. Most of them were sketches, in a hurried handwriting because he remembers he was overwhelmed with feelings.

_“You looked at me then like you knew me, and I thought it really was Eden, and I couldn't take your eyes in because I was loving the hoof marks on your cheeks.”_

Then right under this one, there was another.

_“I would rather hurt,_  
and walk through the flames you leave,  
than never feel you.”

He realised he fulfilled five pages of his journal in the morning he met Louis. Harry couldn’t remember a time he felt so overwhelmed like that, ever.

The bus was almost getting to the stop Louis usually gets in and Harry could feel his heart beating faster as the minutes went by. This time he wouldn’t let Louis go so easily, he would ask for his number and maybe ask him to meet somewhere that wasn’t on a bus.

Finally, the bus stopped and Harry hold his breath, waiting to see Louis get inside, bringing warmth to that cold morning, like his particular sun light. Except he didn’t. The bus started to move and soon enough Harry was looking back at the empty bus stop looking for someone he knew wouldn’t be there. He felt cold and ill and he figured that had nothing to do with the weather outside.

Harry started to really worry about Louis. Maybe something did really happen. He felt awful because there wasn’t much he could do. He didn’t have Louis’ phone number, he didn’t know where he worked, in fact, the only thing about he knew was Louis’ name. He felt sad thinking about that. He wished he knew much more. He wished he was Louis’ confident. The person he’d feel safe sharing his feelings, his thoughts, random things from his day. He wished he had always known Louis.

The only thing he could do was impatiently wait for the next morning and pray to all the positive energies to get Louis on that bus again. He promised he wouldn’t give up like that. And he didn’t. The next two days Harry got in the same bus, at the same time, waiting for faith to smile at him. It never did.

On friday afternoon, the third day he got his hopes crushed on the bus, Harry was sitting on a bench, admiring the Big Eye, the river and the constructions around them. Everything was perfect and wished he was in a better mood, he could’ve enjoyed that much more.

He was writing down in his journal, words flooding off his pen. Harry was making huge effort not to rip some of the papers in pieces but he once promised he’d never throw any of his poetry out. Shitty poetry is still better than no poetry at all, besides, that’s what he was really feeling in that moment.

_“Wherever I am,_  
whatever I am doing,  
you are in it all.”

He took a deep breath and tried to relax a bit. The minutes flew by as he watched strangers walking down the street, some tourists feeding birds by the river. He sighed.

Harry tried to coordinate his thought and feelings and put it on decent words. He took his pen and journal again.

_"How can I possible_  
have memories  
of something I know  
has never happened?  
How can I miss  
something I have never  
held?  
I have been cherishing  
the thought   
of you,   
I have been waltzing  
with the shadow  
you never got to leave”

As soon as he finished the last line, his phone rang. It was Gemma.

“Hello” Harry said.

Gemma waited a few seconds before answering. “H, have you been crying...?” She finally said.

“No.” Harry would feel really silly admitting that, but his last poem got him off guard.

“Are you sure because you know you can’t lie to me...” She insisted.

“Gem, it’s okay, I promise. I just don’t wanna talk about it now.” He thought that was a very plausible answer.

“Ok.” She said but kept silente, as if pondering if she would push him for a better answer now or later.

“So... you called me because...?” He tried to change the subject.

“Oh, right. It was really nothing... Just checking on you.” Harry knew she didn’t fall for that but she decided to play along and he was glad she did. “We miss you!”

“I thought you hated me?”

“Ha! Of course I do but I miss hating you closer! It’s boring here when you’re in London. Someday I’m just gonna burn one of the ten rooms in this house just to have something going on.”

“Please make sure you record everything and I’m gonna need a close up of mom’s face.” Harry heard Gemma laughing and he ended up laughing too. He wondered if that was the first time he was laughing in three days. It was likely.

“Please come home for the weekend.” She said after they stopped laughing.

“Gem, I can’t, you know that...”

“What’s stopping you? You don’t have a job and even if you had, it’s on the weekend for goodness sake! It’s been months since you’ve been home, H.”

“I know, it’s just...”

“Is this about that boy on the bus...?”

Oops, there it was. And Harry really wondered if it was about Louis but he knew there was no chance he’d see him on the weekend because he only took the bus to work. No, Harry just didn’t want to go home feeling so vunerable.

“No, it isnt.” He said and they both spent a whole minute without talking.

Gemma was the first to give in. “Please, come home. I need my best friend.”

“What is that? Is there something wrong?”

“Come home and we’ll talk.” She sounded too serious so she tried to play it cool in her next sentence. “We can even spend a whole night watching your silly romantic movies and talk about the mysterious bus boy.”

“Well, that is tempting.” Harry said. He would go, but not because of the movie night or anything, he was genuinely concerned about his sister. There was something she wasn’t telling him. He felt that when she called on monday and he could feel it now. He needed to go. “Okay, you convinced me. I’m gonna stop by the flat now and pack a few clothes and I’ll be on the next train home.”

“YAAAY!” She screamed and Harry had to hold the phone away from his ear. “I’m gonna tell mum! She’s gonna be so excited! See you tonight, bye!” Gemma didn’t even wait for Harry to say goodbye to hang off the phone.

As promised, Harry was on the next train home, which was a strange word to call it considering he never really thought of his parent’s house as home. But with lack of a better term, home it was.

When he got there, their butler (don’t even ask) welcomed him and took his backpack to his old bedroom. Trying to put the biggest smile on his face, he made his way to the kitchen, by what he could smell, he’d bet his mother was over there preparing herself his favorite food. Nevermind they had people who could do it for them, his mother always made sure she was the one cooking everytime Harry visited.

As he predicted, Anne was there, by the stove, her hair up in a bun, looked like she was doing ten things at once. Robin was sitting by the table and so was Gemma, they seemed to be having a serious conversation but Harry couldn’t hear what it was about. As soon as they saw him, their expressions changed.

“Harry!” They both said. Anne turned around to look at him and she had the warmest smile on her face. Gemma stood up and ran to hug him as he was making his way closer.

When they let go of the hug, Anne was standing there, she put both her hands on each side of his face and kissed his forehead before giving him a cozy hug.

“I missed you, baby!” She whispered to his ear.

“I missed you too, mom” He said and he really meant it.

“Oh come on, does no one in this house remembers I exist?” Robin said as he stood up to give Harry a hug too.

Harry laughed. “I missed you, Robin. You know I did.”

Robin gave him a smile and invited Harry to sit in front of Gemma.

“I’m almost done here. Got distracted this afternoon so I had to start preparing dinner a bit too late” Anne said as she mixed something in the stove.

“You know you didn’t have to do it yourself, honey...” Robin said and Harry could tell Anne was rolling his eyes even though he could only see her back.

“Well, what’s the fun of that?!” She said simply. “So, Harry, how was the trip?”

“Slept through most of it.” He said. And it was true. Harry hadn’t had a great night sleep in maybe four days, he could feel the exhaustion getting to him. Some lady had to call him multiple times when they got to the final stop.

“Are you tired? Oh you should’ve told me. I really should’ve asked someone to make this for me...” She said but Harry was paying attention to Gemma, who was impersonating him sleeping, with her mouth wide open.

He got a grape from the fruit basket that was in the middle of the table and threw it in Gemma’s direction, hoping she’d choke. He missed by far.

“Mom, don’t worry. You know I love your food.” Harry assured her.

The dinner was ready after ten minutes, they ate slowly, more talking than eating most of the time. Harry asked about their life in Cheshire since the last time he was there and they asked what he was up to in London. No one mentioned Louis and Harry was greatful although he could feel Gemma’s eyes on him and he knew she was going to make him tell her everything later.

After watching Pride and Prejudice (Anne’s favorite) together, Harry felt he couldn’t resist anymore, he had to sleep. He said goodbye to his parents and his sister then made his way upstairs to his old bedroom.

It was a big room with his old huge bed with countless pillows, a closet that covered all the extension of one side of the walls, and his old bookshelf with all his books, some of which he’d had since he was twelve. He wished he could bring all of them to London but there’s no way it’d fit in his flat. It would be either the books or the bed and he wasn’t excited with the idea of sleeping on the ground. Plus, it was a great excuse to come home once in a while, he’d bring old books and change for others.

He had already brushed his teeth and was ready to sleep when he heard someone knock at his door, he told them to come in. It was Gemma.

“Soooo...” She whispered as she jumped into bed next to Harry.

He whined. “Can we NOT do this right now...”

“What? Harry Styles, the last Romeo alive, won’t spend all night talking about the love of his life? The one and only, the biggest...”

“Ugh, I hate you so much” He interrupted her. “I’m sad and depressed and sleep deprived please have mercy”.

She laughed in a pillow.

“I’m messing with you. I’m gonna make you tell me every single detail of your new love affair...” Harry started to protest but she continued: “But not tonight. Tonight I need to talk to you about something else and it’s really important so I need your full attention. Do you think you can stay awake for a few more minutes? I have to do this now while a still have some wine running through my veins.”

Okay, that was a hell long speech, even for Gemma. Whatever it was, Harry could see it was really upsetting her, so he made his best to sit straight and focus on her words.

“I won’t sleep. We can talk.” He looked her in the eyes but she looked down.

“Good.” She said.

They spent a few minutes in silence, in the darkness of Harry’s bedroom. The only light was coming from the big window they kept open, the moon was full and bright that night.

“So... what is it?” Harry didn’t mean to pressure her but he was really concerned.

Gemma pulled her hair to the back of her ears, took a deep breath and managed to talk.

“Harry, there’s no easy way to say this, even though I’ve praticed every night for the past month so I’m just gonna say it... Harry I’m... I’m pregnant.”

For the last week, Harry had been trying to figure out what was happening to his sister. He thought about problems at work, trouble at home, he thought about anything but this. He was shocked and didn’t know what to say. He just looked at her for a whole minute until she started to cry.

“I don’t know... how that happen, H.” She started to mumble while crying. “I was so sure I was being careful,I’m so.. I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid. I’m truly so fucking stupid, I fucked up big time...”

It broke him to see his sister like that. He came closer to her and put his arms around her, trying to give her some comfort when he couldn’t give any to himself.

“It’s gonna be okay, Gem.” He kept saying. “I promise you it’s gonna be okay.”

“That’s the thing, Harry. It won’t.” She pulled back, her eyes already red. “What will happen when people start to notice? What about my job? I work with fashion and there’s nothing beautiful in a pregnant twenty-two year old girl.”

“Come on...” He tried to say.

“No, I mean it. I can’t do this, H. I really can’t... do this, I can’t.” She started crying again.

Harry decided not to say anything until he could make her stop crying. He pulled her back into his arms and they stood there, in his bed, for what felt like a long time. Finally she calmed down a bit.

“I’m sorry, H.” She looked at him. “I just needed to take it out of my chest. I’ve been playing it cool with mom and Robin but I’ve been a mess. You’re the first person to know how I really feel... I’m scared.”

Harry ran his hand through her hair. “I would be surprised if you weren’t, Gem. Honestly, it’s okay to feel this way.”

He spent another five minutes in silence trying to think about what he should say that would bring her any kind of comfort. He decided they needed to talk it through, as they always did.

“Do you wanna talk about it? I mean... Really talk about it? I’m really to listen.” He said.

“Okay. I guess I need to. Maybe get some perspective.” Gemma said as she put a pillow between her crossed legs and her and Harry were in front of each other.

“So... you said you weren’t even sure how this happened...?” This wasn’t really a question but Harry didn’t know how to start.

She sighed. “I was going out with this guy – please don’t ask who- and after a couple months, you know, it just kinda happened but I could swear I was being cautious...”

“It’s okay, these things happens...” That sounded like a really stupid thing to say but Harry said it anyways.

“So, a month ago I started to suspect I could be... you know. So I did all the tests, the pharmacy ones and the ones with an actual doctor... well, they were all positive.”

“Did you tell him... whomever he is?”

“Yep. But I knew he’d leave as soon as I told him. I was right. The bastart took off the morning after, didn’t even care to leave a goodbye note.”

Harry felt really sad. His sister had a whole future in front of her and no one to go through it with her. Well, she had her family but still...

“What did Anne and Robin say about this?”

“Oh, mom freaked out when I told her. Robin tried to calm her down but we ended up having to give her sedative for her to relax. The day after I told them, the three of us had this long and deep conversation about responsabilities and stuff...”

“You don’t seem to care a lot about responsabilities and stuff” Harry said in a disapproving tone.

“Harry.”

“Yes?”

“I’m not keeping this baby.” She paused after each word.

“I’m sorry? You're not thinking about abortion, are you?” He looked around his room, searching for words as if they’d fall from his ceiling. “I mean, I know it’s your body and you have the right to choose, and I will respect what you decide to do but, I’m just saying... we could find a better way...”

Gemma reached for his hand and she held it next to her heart.

“I’m not gonna take it out, H.” She said and didn’t seem so lost anymore. She seemed determined. She was the one comforting her brother now. “I’ve talked to our parents and they’re backing me up in my decision. I’m gonna carry this baby till the moment of it’s birth. Then I’ll give it to adoption. I’ll feel better if it’s like that.”

Harry didn’t realized he’d been holding his breath so he let go and filled his lungs with air. He couldn’t say he wasn’t reliefed she wasn’t going to take the baby out. That was a smart decision.

“I’m proud of you, Gemma.”

“What for? Being stupid? Getting pregnant?” She said and Harry saw her eyes were wet again.

“No. I’m proud of you because even if you’re scared and feel lost, you’re thinking about this baby and what’s best for it. I’m proud because I know how strong you’re being right now. I’m really proud of you and you should be too.”

She started to cry again and he hugged her tight.

“Thank you, H. That’s why I needed you. I can always count on you.”

“Of course you can.”

She let go of him once again. “There’s just one more thing.”

“What is it?” Harry raised an eyebrow.

“Rememeber I told you I might be moving to London? Well, I’m definitely going.” Gemma wipped off a few tears, trying on a tiny smile.

“Really? Why? Is it because of the baby?”

“Not really, but it will be better for me if I have it there... But, I got a promotion at work and they’re sending me to the bigger company, which is in London. They’re paying for a flat and all, I just have to find one.”

“But you could stay with me!”

“Really? In your flat? I’d probably fill all the space just with the magazine’s papers in the first month.”

Somehow, they both managed to laugh. It sounded weird after all the emotional drama that had just happened.

“Okay, you do have a point.” Harry said.

“I need to ask you something.” Harry nodded. “Can you please keep an eye in any flat available over there? I’m trying to find some on the internet but it’d be easier since you live there and all.”

“Sure, I will.”

Gemma smiled at Harry and in that moment all he could see was his older sister that he loved and would protect at all coasts.

“We’re gonna get through it all together, alright?” He said.

“I know, I trust you.” She said and kissed him goodnight.

Ten minutes later he was already falling asleep, that had been a long day. He could barely keep his eyes open when he heard his phone ringing. He looked at the clock, it was past two in the morning. He considered not answering but then he thought. What if...

He pressed _answer_.

“Hello?” He said and his heart went crazy. “ _Please, please, please be him.”_

No one said anything at the other side.

“Hello?” Harry tried again.  No answer.

“Louis?” He risked and he shivered at the sound of that name said out loud.

The person hung up. Harry’s lock screen was the last thing he saw before falling asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**[Louis]**

“You are a fucking idiot.” Louis said to his bathroom mirror on the Sunday morning.

“I know, you’re also weak when drinking.” He heard his reflection answer him.

Louis had been having a conversation with his reflection in the mirror since he woke up. He had a killer headache and a lot of remorse. On the night before, he managed to get drunk on wine after watching West Side Story for the millionth time and decided that the smarter thing to do was call Harry at two in the morning.

Louis was really grateful his drunk self wasn’t brave enough to say a word on the phone but he wished Harry hadn't answered at all. Hearing his own name being said by that husky voice was worst than that one time he got drunk and spent the night throwing up in a public bathroom that smelled like onions. Yeah, he was feeling worst than that.

And, why did he say Louis’ name of all people that could be calling him? Louis wondered if he was waiting for him to call and he tried to feel flattered but he could only feel guilty, if he made Harry wait for so many days... that wasn't fair. Not to mention his totally inexcusable childish behavior of avoiding Harry for three days straight. He’d wake up early and feeling anxious but always making sure he’d miss the 7 o’clock bus. He was a total coward.

Louis caught his toothbrush, the first thing on his sight, and threw it on the mirror hoping he’d hit some courage into his reflection. It didn’t work, he still felt miserable.

He was eating his matinee cereal bowl when Zayn called him. After ignoring his calls twice he gave up, knowing Zayn wouldn't.

“Good morning, sunhine!!” Zayn said.

“Ughh...” Louis managed.

“Woah, I see you’re in a good mood today!” Zayn waited for some answer but it never came. “Okay, perfect! What time should I pick you up tonight?”

Zayn spent the last couple days trying to convince Louis to go back with him to the same bar he was abandoned the week before. He was trying to drag Niall, the new guy, into this so he could “get to know him better”, and he really did say it doing the quotation marks sign with his hands. Zayn had already convinced Liam to join, which wasn’t that hard, where there’s beer, there’s Liam. But Louis wasn’t feeling like going at all.

“Zayn, I told you I’m not going. There’s no way in hell...” Louis said, fueling his mouth with a spoon of cereal and milk.

“Louis, pleeeeease.” Zayn sounded like a five year old.

“Zayn. Tomorrow it’s Monday. We work on Mondays. It’s Niall’s first day on Monday. Stop thinking with your dick, for once.”

“That never stopped you before.” Zayn completely ignored Louis' words. “Come on, this is the first guy I’ve been really interested in months and I know nothing about him or how to act around him. Come on, I’ll own you big time.”

Louis knew that was a lost cause, it was always a lost cause with Zayn. The best he could do was go there and get as drunk as he could so all these weird things he was feeling would go away. Untill they’re back the morning after.

“I hate... I hate you so much, you know that, right?” Louis gave up.

“YAAAAAAAAAAS” He heard Zayn scream and he imagined if he was jumping of excitement. “I’ll pick you up at eight, wear something decent. Love you!”

Louis wished he had a toothbrush he could throw somewhere in that moment.

At exactly eight o’clock, he heard his door bell rang and the sound scared the shit ouf of him. It had been too silent since Amanda moved out, the flat looked was kinda sad. He hadn't cleaned up in days and he knew he should do something about the pile of clothes on his bedroom's floor, but he would deal with that later. Louis opened the door to face a very excited Zayn wearing skinny jeans, a white shirt and a black leather coat. His hair was splendorous as always, he was letting it grow and was doing it perfectly, sometimes Louis caught himself admiring it but he made sure Zayn wasn’t watching because he knew he was gonna give him shit for that.

“I told you to wear something decent!” Was the first thing Zayn said.

Louis didn’t even bother dressing up for this. He put on his white cardigan and some jeans, combed his hair once and that was it, he was ready.

“I’m not the one trying to get late tonight, so piss off.” Louis said, pushing Zayn out of his flat, closing the door behind them.

“I’m not trying to get late!” Zayn saw Louis raising his eyebrow so he added: “Not tonight.”

“Well, then that’s a first.” Louis laughed and Zayn punched his arm.

When they got to the bar Liam was already there, saving a table for them, beer in his hand. The place was small, which could be suffocating when it was crowded, but there was just two more tables occupied and it seemed very quiet compared to when he was there the week before.

Zayn said he didn’t want to order yet and Louis noticed he was nervous, always messing with his own hands and then with his hair just to find himself looking at the door once in a while. Louis thought it was funny and entertaining.

Louis was already in his second drink when Niall arrived. Biggest smile on his face, blonde hair up, wearing a green sweater that made he look like a warm bear. Louis liked Niall’s company, it was like he made everything lighter and warmer just by being there.

“Sorry ’m late, lads! My roommate decided he had amnesia and I had to do the dishes again today.” He said, sitting on the last chair available, purposely located next to Zayn.

“it’s okay, we just got here.” Zayn said and Louis glanced him a deadly look. _What a fake ass lying bitch._ Zayn kicked his legs under the table.

“So, Niall. Do you drink?” Louis asked.

Niall’s smile widened - if that was humanly possible. “Do I drink?! I came from Ireland, man!” He said and as he ordered his beer Louis heard him say again “Do I drink?! Ha!”

They had a very pleasant night, better than Louis was expecting. He managed to get his mind off his internal conflict and even had some fun with the boys.

In between drinks and laughs, Niall got all serious. “I’m not getting in trouble tomorrow because of this, am I? I mean, I guess you’re all my bosses now.” He said, pointing to each of them.

“We can solve that right now. Niall, you’re fired.” Liam tried to sound serious but he was having a hiccup crisis so it ruined his moment. They all laughed but Louis kept quiet, looking at the table.

“You okay there, mate?” Niall asked Louis.

“Yea-aah, I'm fine” Louis managed to say. He was feeling dizzy, how many drinks he had?

Niall looked at Zayn for confirmation. “Louis has a serious case of acute crush, Niall. It’s a lost cause, don’t waste your time.” Zayn said, wasted as hell.

“Oh really?” Of all of them, Niall was the one to have more drinks and he was still sober. Amazing.

“Nah, that’s not... accurate. I don’t have... that.” Louis was making circles on the table with his fingers.

“Really, so you’re not thinking about the boy on the bus in this exact moment, are you?” Zayn said and even though the question was directed to Louis, Zayn glanced at Niall. Louis knew that was a test to see how Niall would react to the fact Louis’ crush was actually a guy. His expression didn’t change for a second. He passed the test.

“Shut up and leave me alone.” Louis said.

“UH! I see it was really serious then” Niall said.

Louis exploded, the beer talking. “No, Niall. It wasn’t serious. It never was anything at all, for goodness sake! I met this random guy on the bus, Harry, his name is Harry, and of course he’s hot and charming and resembles a greek god, and of course when he talked to me all I could think was kissing him and of course I’d like to feel how his hair is like and feel his hands on my face, of course. But nothing happened and nothing will ever happen so knock it off, all of you.”

When he finished his little rant, Liam, Zayn and Niall stayed silent, looking at him with a mixture of pity and compassion. Louis realized how ridiculous he sounded. He hated feeling sorry for himself. He had to do something.

“I should call him.” Louis said.

“Louis, I don’t think it’s a great idea, bro. Not right now, at least.” Zayn said, reaching for Louis’ hands over the table.

“Yeah, you’re right. I fucked up. There’s no coming back, you’re right.”

“You keep saying you fucked up... what exactly happened?” Liam asked.

Louis told them the whole story, he even repeated the moment he and Harry met because Niall didn’t know how it happened. And he told them how he was a coward for not calling Harry and avoiding taking the same bus as him for three days. Maybe it was the alcohol that made the words come out easier but he felt like he could trust these three with anything. Even Niall that he had known for just a few days.

“I’m not gonna say I understand why you do the things you do to yourself, but I’m gonna say it can be fixed, Louis. Don’t make this bigger than it is.” Zayn said.

“Oh yeah? Then how? Enlighten me, Zayn.”

“Well you could call him.” When Louis tried to reach for his phone, Zayn gently took it out of his hand. “I didn’t mean right now.”

“Actually,” Niall had been so quiet Louis forgot he was there for a moment. “You said you two met on the bus, right? At the same time, everyday, he’d be on the same bus as you?”

“Yes?” Louis said.

“Well, it’s Monday tomorrow... you could get that bus, uh?” When Niall said it, Louis looked at Zayn and his best friend had the weirdest expression on his face. He was either gonna have a heart attack or he was gonna jump on Niall at any moment.

“I guess...but what are the chances? I mean, he would’ve stopped going...” Louis said, louder than he should, trying to take Zayn out of his transe. “If tomorrow I can remember we ever had this conversation or even who I am, I’m gonna get on that bus and fix this. I’m a grown ass man, for fucks sake!”

“Yeah, you’re an ass. An Ass” Liam said and bursted into laugh. He was really drunk.

They all laughed and clapped and everything was funny again. He was grateful Zayn made him get out of his flat. The night turned out great and it was time for him to retribute the favor.

“You know, you both...” He pointed at Zayn and then Niall, “You guys make a hell of a great team. Giving me dating advice and shit.”

Zayn’s face turned purple and Niall’s cheeks were red although Louis couldn't tell if it was because of what he said or just because of the beers.

“We do, don’t we?” Niall said and put his left arm around Zayn’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “I bet we’re gonna be great at the store too.”

Zayn lost his abilities with words so he just nodded and looked at Louis, smiling. That bastard was gonna own him for the rest of his life.

 

***

 

Louis was having a _déjà vu_. It was an early Monday morning, he had a terrible hangover, Kodaline was on replay on his phone and he was waiting for the bus 25. Maybe that was a good sign, he thought. It would be like a fresh start, like the week before had never happened. If he was lucky enough to see Harry on the bus that day, he would make things right this time.

The moment Louis saw the bus making it’s way to the stop, he forgot everything he was planning to do and say. He could only think of looking Harry’s eyes again, and hearing his voice and sitting next to him. He could feel his hands shaking with anxiety.

 _“Please, tell me you didn’t give up on me.”_ He kept thinking.

He finally got on the bus and he couldn’t believe his eyes. Harry was there. Louis wished he had more time to absorb it all. He couldn't think of any explainable and rational reason why Harry would be on that bus again. Not after Louis completely ignore him for days, or calling him in the middle of the night just to hang up, even though he didn't know it was him.

Apparently Harry was waiting for Louis - or maybe someone else - to get on the bus because he had his eyes on the door and when Harry saw him, the biggest smile emerged on his face. Louis’ heart was about to explode out of his chest. That boy wasn’t real.

He had promised to himself - and to Zayn, Niall and Liam -  that he would make a move if he saw Harry again so he tried to thin of something smart to say as he made his way to sit next to Harry. He couldn’t think of anything so he decided to let his sarcastic self make the first move.

“Saved a seat for me, I see” He tried to laugh but his voice sounded weak, he wanted to open a hole on the bus' ceiling.

Harry looked him in the eyes. Damn, Louis had forgotten how intense those green, big round eyes could be. “Actually, I’ve been saving it for you for the past week.” Harry said and Louis wished he had looked away so he could scream into his hands and bang his head on the seat in front of him.

“Harry, I’m sorry I know I own you an explanation..."

“It’s okay, really. I was just worried about you, did anything happen?”

Harry was worried about him. Okay, how should he react to that? He decided to keep talking before he did something really brave and stupid like kiss Harry.

“Nah! Just been busy at work. Hiring new people and stuff...” That was a stupid excuse to avoid someone but it was the only one Louis could think of. Harry didn’t say anything. “So... what have you been up to?”

“Went to Cheshire for the weekend. Family issues but it’s okay now, I think.” Harry shook his head as if doing that would make the thought go away. “Listen, if you get off this bus I don’t know when I’m ever gonna see you again and I really wanna get to know you better so...”

“You... want to get to know me? Why? I mean...” Louis wanted that too but he was having trouble comprehending why Harry would.

Harry looked very confused. “Louis, you’re... you’re fascinating.” He said.

Louis was called a lot of names during his life. Zayn even liked to call him “sunshine” just to piss him off. But he was pretty sure this was the first time anyone called him “fascinating”. He liked it, especially because it was Harry saying it.

“Anyways, would you want that? I mean, a ten minutes bus ride is not enough to get to know someone even though I would get into this bus for the rest of my days if that meant I would get to know you but if you want to, we could, I don’t know, get breakfast or something?” Harry spit it all out.

“Of course I would like that, Harry.” Louis said and his cheeks were starting to hurt because he couldn’t stop smiling. “When then?”

“If it was up to me, it would be right now. But I know you’re on your way to work and...”

“Wait a second.” Louis interrupted him. He had never missed a day of work before but this was an special occasion aka he wanted to spend as much time with Harry as possible. Plus, Zayn was in debt with him, it was now the time for Louis to receive something back. “Listen, I’m gonna call my coworker, actually he’s my best friend, but anyways, he owns me big time so I’ma call him to cover for me today.”

“You sure? I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.” Harry said with those giant innocent eyes.

 _“You are the definition of trouble in my dictionary.”_ Louis thought but never said it.

“It’s okay, they won’t miss me at all. Let me just make a quick call.” Louis started to dial Zayn’s number.

Zayn answered and didn’t even wait for Louis to say anything. “Please tell me you’re calling to say you saw Harry on the bus and you’re on your way to the city of crazy, passionate sex.’’

Louis could feel his face burning and he knew Harry was watching him. He made a prayer to all the angels asking for Harry not to have listened what Zayn just said.

“Hey, Zayn. Listen, can you cover for me today? Tell Sophia I’m sick or something.” Louis tried to act casual.

“I KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT. LIAM, LOUIS FOUND HARRY,  I TOLD YOU HE WOULD, FUCKING PAY ME, TWENTY BUCKS. RIGHT NOW.” Louis was gonna murder Zayn.

He still tried to act as casual as possible. “Okay so, I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Thank you. Bye.” Louis hung up before Zayn could scream anything else.

Louis looked at Harry, he had an indescribable expression on his face. “So, where to then?”

“I’m gonna show you my favorite place to wander around. Ever been to Shoreditch?”

 

***

Louis had been down town. When he first arrived to London, Zayn made sure to show him around The City but Louis was sure they never went to that part of London before. It was like he was in another country, or world even. Every single wall was full of painting and not just meaningless words people spray paint in walls. That was pure art. Louis didn't know what to look at. There were so many beautiful images, so many different colors, he could smell flowers everywhere and Harry was walking by his side, he pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

They walked for at least ten minutes in silence until they got to a different street, every building on that street was related to food. Lots of bakeries and markets and restaurants. The smell of flowers was replaced with bacon, eggs and coffee. He realized how hungry he was. In the hurry not to miss the bus, he didn't have time to eat.

"You choose." Harry said and made a gesture for Louis to keep walking to where he'd like to eat.

Louis ended up going for a small bakery, it looked quite warm and cozy and he could smell waffles and tea so that was the place he should be. They made their way to a table out doors and he noticed Harry had a funny smirk on his face.

"What?" Louis was intrigued.

"It's just..." Harry answered as they both sat down. "This is my favorite place to eat. I came here almost every day for the past week."

"Well, now you know I have a great taste for such things." He laughed.

They both ordered waffles and for some reason Harry found it absolutely amazing that Louis prefered tea over coffee. Once again he called Louis "fascinating" and Louis thought he could get used to that.

Their food came and they started to eat. There were lots of things Louis could admire in that morning. It was cold but not freezing cold, he had only a sweater and he wasn't dying. He could hear music and at first he thought the place had a stereo system but later he noticed some guy playing guitar sitting on a fountain next to them. The waitress was an old lady, very charming and lovely and she reminded him of his grandma and of how much he missed her. He could be observing all those things but what he really was paying attention to was Harry. 

Louis spent a countless amount of time with his eyes on Harry. Watching the way he chewed his food, noticing how every now and then he'd run his hand through his hair and it'd fall back to the same place as it was before. Harry watched Louis too, his eyes would explore Louis' face, he could notice Harry staring at his eyes, his cheeks, his lips. They spent a long time like that, enjoying each other's company, until Harry took his journal off his bag and started to write on it. Louis didn't mind for the first ten minutes but then he got curious.

"Hm... Can I ask what are you writing?"

His voice seemed to get Harry by surprise. He really was focused on whatever it was that he was doing.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's just, when I think of something I have to write it down immediately otherwise I forget what it was. And oh, I write poems, mostly."

"That's beautiful, Harry." Louis had to hold back the urge to ask him to show some of his poems. He really wanted to read everything Harry wrote, he was sure it was precious but it would be such a invasion of privacy. He couldn't do that. Instead, he decided to change the subject. "So, did you make me not go to work just to have breakfast or do you have anything else in mind?" He raised an eyebrow.

Harry looked at him and smiled.

"I'm glad you asked." He said and they both stood up.


End file.
